head up, eyes forward.

i've recently had something of a reawakening to life in general. but let's back up, yes?

it's been a very difficult year until recently; if i had to select a descriptor, it's wholly possible that i'd use the word 'hellish.' i won't even get into the details, but know that i started this year with exceptionally low expectations, and by the end of january, almost everything i held near-and-dear was called into question. shattered. i felt shattered. three months later, the pieces began to reassemble, slowly but surely, and today, i'm in a better place than i've been in months -- more accurately, probably: years.

i've realigned my mind, my heart, my actions; i've started meditating. i've found a job i love, one that motivates me. somehow, without my knowing it, i'd let them go, and things were just... happening. i'm eating better, exercising, making sure my mind and body are where they should be. i'm reconnecting with people i've lost track of over the years. i've taken back the reins of my life.

in 2013, after a period of two years during which i struggled in many ways, i admitted to dealing with depression. halfway through 2014, i feel stronger, more alive, and more present regarding life in general than i have in a long time.

and a large part of that, i feel, can be correlated to the fact that i'm using the logic in this quote to gauge my everyday life:

I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say, 'Hi.' They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word. - Augusten Burroughs

it's not new. in fact, it's so old, i don't recall when i found it; i read it in a book years ago. but it's not until recently that i began to truly appreciate and apply it in my life.

for example: thanks to some of the things that have happened this year, where my daughter would be attending first grade was up for debate. a charter school that we knew very little about was opening very near home. on a whim, we looked into the school, liked what we saw, and submitted an enrollment application.

as it turns out, B was accepted.

the thought of, "what if this goes poorly?" has crossed my mind, but the open-minded view portrayed in that quote would direct me to realize that if it doesn't go well, we can move her enrollment, but if it's amazing? if it's the best thing we could ever have found for her educational and social needs? The chance was worth it.

because for me,  the quote is not about meeting new people or traveling or who you marry or how to communicate. it's a manner of looking at things. it's a way to focus your thoughts and actions, a way to stay positive and allow the ebb and flow that comes with life to roll over your shoulders or propel you forward.

keeping your head up is hard. but remaining open to the opportunities that life affords helps.

until next time,
A