Ouch.

Last week, something happened. I won't say what. It was blasted all over social media, and it hurt my feelings in a real way. I'm not some delicate flower, mind you, with feelings that are sensitive and become tarnished or chipped away over any little thing. This felt major. And it was another example in many items in the same vein - things that bothered me in the same way, for the same reason. It all culminated in me realizing that yes, this hurt my feelings. Yes, this made me cry, almost. 

I took a week away from all forms of social media to try to reorient my head and heart. I hopped back onto the social media train with a silly update regarding One Direction, feeling better and more grounded. And then, as it turns out, something happened today that could also be lumped into that bucket of stuff that hurts.

I hate it. Feeling this way. Feeling less than. Feeling excluded, not enough. Feeling that, when I've been honest, it is not appreciated, it's disregarded, it's a delineation that allows me to be pushed aside.

Maybe I should ignore it - push it away and rely on the people that I know I can rely on. But that's hard for a million reasons. A million and one reasons. It's hard because often it's not just my feelings that are impacted. Maybe I'm holding this inside to keep it away from someone I love. Maybe I  hold it away to keep someone safe. 

But, try as I may, I don't know how to not let it impact me. 

I don't know how to shelve it without perhaps turning my heart off. And the fact is that, historically, I'm bad at that. I can't do it well, this idea of turning my heart off, of turning the volume down. 

I am strong. I know that. Everyone in my life knows that. And I can push through, keep my true feelings locked away when it behooves me. But that doesn't mean I'm not noticing things. Or that I don't care. 

Mostly it means I feel as though it wouldn't matter if I let you know that something was in fact bothering me. So, there's no use in making myself vulnerable before you.

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.

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I just needed to get that out "on paper." 

Bella B, in the place to be...

Oopsy, it's March. Anyway. Work has been completely cuckoo, and life has not been all that much calmer, but I'm keeping a smile on my face and my chin up.

I want to spend a little time discussing my kidlet, because this is, after all, my blog and it's the one I intend to keep up.

Bella is 6 and a half. Just ask her.  ;)

Many people know that Little Miss is sassy and smart and kind-hearted. She's also a lover of music and technology, and her favorite pastimes are reading and drawing. Currently, her favorite movie is Big Hero 6, and it's given her a renewed interest in Math, because it dawned on her that if she gets really good at math, she can work in robotics and engineering.

Color me impressed, as usual.

Her favorite character from Big Hero 6 is GoGo Tomago, resident independent bike-rider, kick ass driver, and strong female.

via

Previously, and in order from age 2 through 6, her favorites were:

Age 2-3 - Tiana from The Princess and the Frog, resident smart cookie, kick butt chef, minority business woman in 1920s New Orleans, and strong female.

Age 3-4 - Rapunzel from Tangled, resident artist, nerd, reader kid who believes in dreams, and strong female.

Age 4-6 - Merida from Brave, resident strong-willed princess, bad ass archer who doesn't feel marriage is required to be a valid individual, and strong female.

Are we sensing a theme?

Strong female characters with strong personalities, whose stories do not center on a male character. Strong ladies who have spunk and backbone and opinions and thoughts of their own making.

I love this about her; I love that she's drawn to this kind of character. I love that the characters themselves are very different from one another. Rapunzel's something of a girlie girl, Tiana is working too hard to worry about being girly, and Merida is the definition of a tomboy, but they are all smart and in command of their own lives.

It's always been a goal for me, as the mother of a young girl, to foster strength and courage in her, and I'd like to consider this a sign that we're doing something right.

Until next time,
A