au revoir?

sometimes, you have a realization and it's terrifying.

i just had one of those.

i write.

i always have.

in recent years, i have written with the goal of writing books - books that i intended to query and pursue publication. there are 3 completed manuscripts housed within my scrivener software with one work in progress, and several starts and stops for other ideas. i write poems, short stream of consciousness kind of things, and the like.

several years ago, i joined twitter because i was in the middle of a supportive and glorious writing community filled with other writers i could trust for feedback, and who trusted me to provide feedback on their work. twitter was like an artery for me in this writing community - it kept us all connected, and it kept everyone in the loop of what everyone was doing.

the results of that writing community?

something like a dozen agented authors, maybe more, including the infamous el james (i'm admittedly not a fan), but also the ever lovely christina lauren. emma trevayne. alice clayton.

a largely talented bunch.

i'm about a third of the way through a manuscript now, 25K words of a project that's been plaguing me (in the best ways) since 2011.  it's thrilling to be finally in a place where i can make this story work when for four years, i couldn't make it work for the life of me (and believe me, i tried).

it feels remarkable. it is. save for one thing.

that writing community?

it no longer exists for me.

not really.

i won't get into that, but rest assured that it's true.

i write because i enjoy it, but also to improve. improvement is required.

nowhere good.

i can write. i can put words on paper and finish a project. that's never been an issue. without constructive criticism, where is a writer? nowhere good. without the ability read others' work for feedback and experience, where is a writer? nowhere good. without support and accountability from a network of this type, where is a writer?

and i am without any of the above.

i cried the other night when i realized that there was no reason for me to remain on twitter - not because i'm so attached to twitter, but because my writing community no longer exists. i've tried to regain it. no dice. life is life, people are busy, and it's just hard.

i never thought hopping off a social media train would be such a hard decision, but it is.

so there's that.